“What are you so mad at son?” It’s a good question. What are you afraid of? Why won’t you let people get close to you? What is with this discouragement? Why are you hiding? Why do you want to do life alone as a lone wolf? There’s always a story. Behind every posing man is a wounded boy. Something presents itself and you’ll say “What was that all about?” This anger/rage just comes up from nowhere. This loneliness. This hurt. This feeling of “I’ll never be loved”. It just comes up and we rarely are willing to go back to the root cause to discover where it all started.
Corrective words are spoken to a man but they are heard by the little boy on the inside. The boy freaks out, can’t handle the correction and shuts down. The emotions that present themselves out of nowhere – the search for comfort, sexual temptation, etc. ask yourself, “What is it I am trying to medicate here?” The compulsions with food, drugs, alcohol, sex, trying to get people to notice me, like me – what is that all about?
There is a root in us – a history or a story that explains it. Seabiscuit – “He fouled me!” – someone did a great injustice to me, someone offended me … we take a lot of wounds in this life.
John has a mother wound. He recoiled at the notion of soldiers calling out for Mom as they lay dying. He couldn’t fathom that. His mother was professional, brilliant, precise, upper class, no mercy, ruled the roost, exacting in her expectations, angry, bitter, ex-Catholic – never showed emotion, appeared “perfect”, striving, etc. It shaped John deeply. It showed up later in his life in how he related to women.
It’s not just father wounds – it is mother wounds, wounds from sports where we were tested and validated – or – invalidated, too weak or not good enough to make the team. There are failure wounds – failed business, failed marriage. Women fear abandonment, men fear failure. The wounds come.
Jesus wants to heal all the wounded places and the enemy doesn’t want to lose his hold on you. This will be a fight as you try to break the power of these wounds.
Pay attention to what God is surfacing here. We need to pay attention to these wounds and then we need to learn to invite Christ into it to seek His healing and restoration.
It often feels like there are these young places in us. Something will happen and we’ll feel 13 again or 4. We feel young. Well…you kind of are. There are places in your heart that were wounded young, never healed and never grew up. Part of you stays at this age.
Jesus is saying, “Let me restore you” – healing the whole man. Invite Jesus there – into the anger or the memory, the “why do I get angry when older men in authority don’t treat me well – what’s that about Jesus?” Jesus, where did this get started? Keep asking, keep praying “Jesus come into this. Take me back to this. I give you access. I give you permission.” Then, pay attention. Ask this and pray it and then pay attention. Big agreements may appear. You may realize, you’ve agreed with “I am an idiot” or “It was all fault” or “I’ll never trust anyone again” or “I’m not worthy of being loved” – those things about you that you’ve agreed with, taken in and maintained/nurtured.
When you find an agreement you’ve made – break it, renounce it. Those phrases show up like “I deserve this” … break it. Renounce it. Those things spoken over you by your Father or brother or a coach – renounce them.
The enemy will fight it. Confusion will come in. A cloud, a fog or a malaise. Fear. Pause. “I bring the work of my Lord Jesus Christ against this fear, this abandonment, this confusion – I reject it in the name of Jesus. I banish it is Jesus’ name. It has no power here.”
Ask Jesus to reveal the beginning, the root of all this. Where did it start?