Stage starts in your teens and runs your whole life. Comes in really strong in your 20’s and 30’s. The girl awakens the lover heart in you. You all remember this. You remember when the girl first awakened something in you. Here is a priceless clip from the Wonder Years that captures that moment we all experienced …
Haunted by her beauty – she represents “All the beauty that he longed for beyond the beauty that was in her”. You see, Eve captures us but the inner longing is larger than her. The longing we have for beauty – yes, she can represent it – but there is more.
This stage is primarily about the awakened heart. Most men hide in reason and analysis but the heart is where the action is. “Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life”. This is so important because when the woman comes along, she will want access to your heart – not your reason and your analysis. Your heart. She is not a problem to be solved. She doesn’t want to be fixed. She is a mystery to be loved and enjoyed.
Our hearts are wounded at this stage often through experiences of rejection or abandonment where we come to resent the longings of beauty and love in our hearts. Or … when we have sexual experiences too soon that go too deep and she breaks up with us and breaks our heart making it hard for us to then trust our heart to another woman.
When the heart gets shut down, we need to invite God in to father us and heal the wounded places. And we need to go back into those old, broken relationships and break soul ties and ask the Father for forgiveness for our sin.
This whole stage of manhood is about finding an intimacy with God. It is finding what makes you come alive – the oceans, mountains, water, woods. Find what awakens your heart – the places that make you come alive and as you go there, you can feel the presence of God. In these places, you realize God is bigger. He has a much grander vision for you than just Eve. She isn’t meant to be the “end all and be all” of your existence. There is more…
This is the crucial thing … How you pursue a woman’s heart is not to go and see what you can get but rather what strength you can give to her. It is a shift from looking to “get” vs. a looking to “give”. Most men don’t get this. Our souls are created for beauty…to drink it in. Beauty nourishes the soul. God hardwired that in you. The desire is innate. It is Excurvatus Ex Se – a life lived outward instead of the Incurvatus – an inwardly focused life.
The rescue from the vicious cycle we typically fall in of “take, take, take” from her to get our validation – to – discovering there is something transcendent I am longing for that goes beyond Eve. It comes from God.
Make no mistake, Eve is intoxicating. “The naked woman’s body is too much of eternity for the eye of man to behold”. She is amazing. She is captivating. She’s meant to be. BUT we need something greater. You need more than Eve. God is the rescue from this.
As we spend time in those places outside Eve that restore us, we start to realize that God inhabits the beauty. Fly fishing on the stream late into the day, drinking in the beauty. It is beyond Eve. He’s there in the sunsets, on the stream, at the beach, hiking the mountains. He’s there. Those things you love, He’s there.
This is tough because Eve is available and present and within arm’s reach and it is easy for us men to believe “she’s enough”. But the truth is, you can be embraced by something even more beautiful than Eve. Really. That is possible. Yes, and in fact, it is even more loving than Eve. Mercy. Healing. Comfort. The Father brings all this. Spending time with the Father in communion is healing. You disentangle. It is something that goes way beyond her.
When you realize that God can, in fact, provide for you in ways Eve can’t, it actually helps you love Eve better because you are no longer depending on her to come through as a fountain for you.