Agreements and vows, saying, “This is how I will live given the harm I have suffered”, have been implanted in the heart. That is where evil, in many ways, puts its energy and effort to keep bringing spiritual harm.
It’s not as simple as saying, “That was my sin to make this agreement/vow” and repent of it and then freedom will come. That does not address the contempt that’s there or the shame. It’s actually increasing it.
Someone prays for you to break this bondage and you so want this in your heart – the freedom – but what you also have is a litany of all of these things in your life … “If you only knew these places in my heart” – “If you only knew these things I have done” – “How could I ever really be forgiven?”
What happens when your heart has been annihilated is that these agreements come of “I’m such a fool” – “How could I have been so stupid?” – “There must be something wrong with me” – “I must be really dark” – “ I must have actually wanted that”.
Then from that come the vows – “I will never be that foolish again” – “No one will ever have that kind of access to my heart” – “I will never trust people” – “I will always look for the worst”.
We need to get to the “words beneath the water”.
In a River Runs Through It, Norman Mclean says, “Long ago, rain fell on mud and it became rock. But even before that, beneath the rocks are God’s words. They came first. Listen”.
If we can get to the words beneath the water, then there’s such power because we find such compassion, we see more clearly and then we can say, “I don’t want evil to have this kind of access to my heart any more”. I see. I can see more clearly now. I can see God more clearly now.
If the stories of your life – of loss, abandonment, abuse, insult, injury are not entered into, you can be assured evil will enter them with haunting accusations. It has and it will continue to do so.
I can know “I am a child of God, loved by God, preserved, protected, redeemed” and you can tell yourself that a billion times and the weed just grows back stronger and stronger. And you’re left wondering “Why is my prayer not working as it seems to do for so many other people?”
It is because you didn’t back to the story – the genesis of all this – and go back to the pain and invite God into it. (end)
And let me interject here – I could have had immense pain as a boy from my family or father or brother or bullies at school and I could have walled that up. “Yep that pain is there but that’s in the past” and it’s like I have placed this divider in my life. There is all that which happened “years ago” and then there is life beyond that divider. And my life can be this series of mistakes, setbacks, broken relationships, heartache and disappointment and I can pray those away but the pattern continues to reappear. Why? Because of two things. First, evil. Evil knows where you are most vulnerable and he’s coming right at that spot – that place as a little boy where you were so deeply wounded. And the weeds keep coming back for a second reason – because I have this divider there. This line in the sand, if you will, where the things in my past “back then” are not entered into, not talked about. “They’re in the past and they don’t matter.” Oh yes they do, my friend. They matter. So read back up to where Allender says, “If the stories of your life – of loss, abandonment, abuse, insult, injury are not entered into, you can be assured evil will enter them with haunting accusations.”
If you’re not willing to “go there” and invite Father into the pain of the past, He cannot heal it and bring you freedom and you’re allowing the murderer/thief/liar to continue in destruction. Freedom is there for the taking – the invitation of restoration – “Anyone … in Christ … is a new creation; old things have passed away … all things have become new”. 2 Cor 5:17
When God speaks a word over your life, as far as He’s concerned it has already been accomplished; it is finished. Now it’s your job to believe it, speak it, and walk in the reality of it each day. You have a choice. Who are you going to listen to? The Father sits at the table He has prepared for you in the midst of your enemies. Will you lock tight on Him or turn your attention to the voices whispering destruction in your ear?