here are the slides from this morning … manschool 2019 15
Believe it or not, this iceberg is you. 10% of you is visible above the surface. It is what you’ll let us see. The other 90%? It’s hidden and you’ve developed an elaborate system to keep it that way. That’s your pose. It’s the image you’ve created that you want us to see but the real you is below the surface. That’s where God wants to go.
The pose works for only so long. Throw a good storm into your life and the pose is quickly exposed. Your wife is very good about tweaking you just enough to peel it back and expose the false self. A true, good friend can do the same thing.
Lately, we’ve been talking about Soul Care and I believe one of the kindest things you can do for your soul is to face and expose your pose and to reject the false self you’ve created and live out of.
I will tell you that it was hard to give this talk this morning. The deeper we got into it, the more I sensed the audience checking out. In the last five minutes, 6-7 men had their phones out and were checking email. That tells me something. Brushing up against the pose is just enough to turn some men away … “it’s too much to think about” or “this isn’t for me” or “I don’t have time for this” is usually the reaction.
Plus, there is the “swamp thing” going on. We’re so deeply into swamp of our lives that pulling out to address something like our pose seems too invasive. We’re barely making it as we trudge our way through the swamp and so, to open the hood and do some heavy lifting seems like it might drown us.
It won’t. It just might save you. This is where God wants to work. He doesn’t want to deal with your pose – it’s fake after all. He wants the real and He wants to pursue the real you underneath your mask. Brene Brown summed it up nicely …
“Our “masks” and “armor” are perfect metaphors for how we protect ourselves from the discomfort of vulnerability. Masks make us feel safer even when they become suffocating. Armor makes us feel stronger even when we grow weary from dragging all that extra weight around. The irony is that when we’re standing across from someone who is hidden or shielded by masks and armor (The Poser), we feel frustrated and disconnected. That’s the paradox here: Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but it is the first thing I look for in you.”
Craig McConnell said this about posing …
As long as the counterfeit, the posing works, we’ll never desire and pursue the authentic and real thing. So, you know what God does for our redemption? He disrupts our lives. God either allows or orchestrates things to happen to expose us for us to see that we are living far less of a life as a man that we can be.
Exposure isn’t to shame us. Exposure is to heal us and to drive us to something more. It is to become true, more authentic, more real to be the man God desires us to be.
Life’s working good … why change?
But then … God will disrupt things. Shake us. Rattle us. Get us to realize, “My God, what have I become? Am I just another shark in a suit?”
God takes us through these difficult, disruptive moments/events where we realize that this life, the way I’m living, who and what I am is not what I want. It’s at that moment we get the invitation – there is another way, there is more.
Take some time to be alone with God to ask some pretty tough questions about yourself…
How do you see yourself as a man?
What words would you use to describe yourself? Would you use words like “courageous, strong, loving, passionate, genuine?”
What words would those who know you use to describe you?
Do you have the courage to ask those in your life what they think of you as a man?
What do you fear they would say?
What would you hate to hear?
What might be true of you from the eyes of others?
You can tell what kind of man you’ve got simply by nothing the impact he has on you. When you’re in the presence of a man, does he bore you? Does he scare you with whole doctrinal trip? Does he make you want to scream because he’s just so very nice?
What do you think your impact is on others?
What’s the affect of your life on others?
What do you fear it might be?
We need to turn and say, “God I want the real thing”. So, where is it that you’re faking? Where is the counterfeit? Identify that and then ask God to turn it, remove it.
What would that look like?
Find a quiet place and go to God.
What am I? Who am I? What am I like?
WHAT TO DO WITH THIS ?
Dan Troller asked me this morning how he should best push into this question of posing. Great question. Take these questions Craig asked one by one. Get alone with your journal. Ask the Father these questions and be candid in what you hear, what you’re sensing and feeling. Write it down. How do you see yourself as a man? What would others say about you? What do you fear they’d say? Good, weighty questions. Take them, wrestle with them. Do the heavy lifting of being authentic with the questions.
Then, get with 2-3-4 men you trust (at least two) and be willing to share your revelations. Let them hear your story, hear your answers to these questions and let them speak into what they see and hear about you.
Do you want the freedom on the other side of this? Really?
Then do the hard work of excavating beneath the surface.